...in the meantime, here are some elfin jokes...
What's another name for Santa's helpers?
Subordinate clauses!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had low "elf" esteem!
How long should an elf's legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground!
What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
"First, YULE LOGon"!
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
Elfis!
One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said,
"Really? We had turkey!"
Why do elves scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where it's itchy!
How do elves greet each other?
"Small world, isn't it?"
Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?
Mini vans!
Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because Santa had said, "No L!"
Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the band?
Because he had the drum sticks!
If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
Mistle-toes!
What kind of music do elves like best?
"Wrap" music!
Where do you find elves?
Depends where you left them!
I'll be back on December 1st to start reporting on Tabitha and William's behaviour!
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
Monday, 18 November 2013
Details of my first assignment!
Well, I suppose I'd better introduce myself first of all - I'm Gingerbread Glitter-Toes, and I've just completed my training at the Academy of Elfin Christmas Magic - and I qualified at Level 2 - Visiting Christmas Elf Inspector.
That's such great news, as I didn't want to be stuck at Level 1 - Toy Assistant - checking the paint on toy prams and trying to pull the wheels off of skateboards day after day. I know what you're thinking - playing with toys all day isn't the worst job in the world, but Santa is a bit of a slave driver, and he just doesn't appreciate my sense of humour - I mean what's wrong with the occasional fat Barbie or puny Ken doll? (Frankly my best joke ever was Moshi Monsters - have you seen them! It was meant to be a great big joke, but for some reason my mal-formed lumps of brightly painted plastic appear to have been quite a hit with the boys and girls, so Santa added them to his gift catalogue - I do chuckle to myself every time I see them on a little girl or boy's Christmas list!)
Anyway, as a Visiting Christmas Elf Inspector, I get to visit a home where boys or girls live, and check they are being good and report back to Santa. I arrive at the beginning of December, and stay right up until Christmas day! No-one in the house can see me,though, as I am a magic Elf. But they might find my door into their house and they might even notice evidence that I've been visiting! I bet I can play some great tricks during my visit - I'm sure that the boys and girls will appreciate my sense of humour far more grumpy old Santa does!
My first assignment plopped onto the mat in my toadstool today - I'll be visiting Tabitha and William Monk in Surrey. How exciting! I can't wait until December 1st, when my first job will be to deliver the scroll from Santa! I'd better pop off and check he's writing it!
That's such great news, as I didn't want to be stuck at Level 1 - Toy Assistant - checking the paint on toy prams and trying to pull the wheels off of skateboards day after day. I know what you're thinking - playing with toys all day isn't the worst job in the world, but Santa is a bit of a slave driver, and he just doesn't appreciate my sense of humour - I mean what's wrong with the occasional fat Barbie or puny Ken doll? (Frankly my best joke ever was Moshi Monsters - have you seen them! It was meant to be a great big joke, but for some reason my mal-formed lumps of brightly painted plastic appear to have been quite a hit with the boys and girls, so Santa added them to his gift catalogue - I do chuckle to myself every time I see them on a little girl or boy's Christmas list!)
Anyway, as a Visiting Christmas Elf Inspector, I get to visit a home where boys or girls live, and check they are being good and report back to Santa. I arrive at the beginning of December, and stay right up until Christmas day! No-one in the house can see me,though, as I am a magic Elf. But they might find my door into their house and they might even notice evidence that I've been visiting! I bet I can play some great tricks during my visit - I'm sure that the boys and girls will appreciate my sense of humour far more grumpy old Santa does!
My first assignment plopped onto the mat in my toadstool today - I'll be visiting Tabitha and William Monk in Surrey. How exciting! I can't wait until December 1st, when my first job will be to deliver the scroll from Santa! I'd better pop off and check he's writing it!
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